Modern Day Thanksgiving

I haven't cooked a turkey before.  I bought a small one at walmart.  It was about the size of a football.  This turkey came with directions and it's own stuffing and gravy.  Just like all turkeys without all the work I guess.  I read the directions on the bag but I skipped a very important step.  After I had the bird cooking for an hour or two I decided to check up on it.  Everything looked good except for something strange in the bird's butt.  It looked like a plastic bag.  I forgot to take the gravy and stuffing out of the butt.  That's where the stuffing is on a live turkey.  Why didn't I remove the stuffing on my turkey?  I read over the directions again.  There were only 4 steps.  Preheat oven to 380 deg.  Remove bag.  Cook until done.  Heat up stuffing and gravy.  When it said remove bag I thought it meant remove the turkey from the bag I bought it in.  Dam these modern day turkeys!  Why couldn't they put the damn stuffing bag outside the turkey so I don't cook the plastic bag like an idiot.  I should write a letter to butterball or whoever made this damn turkey and wrote the worthless directions.

The bag didn't melt so I just pulled it out of the turkey hole with a fork.  The gravy and stuffing was already warmed up so I could skip the last step in the directions.  I wonder what's left for advancement in the field of thanksgiving.  They should make a turkey that all you have to do is press a button and the bird gets cooked and out pops mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and don't forget the rolls.  Everything is done for us and it happened so fast that a turkey at the grocery store might have more tech than my cellphone one day.  It

I'm from a small town in Nebraska.  My mom used to butcher her own chickens and I watched them flop around after their heads got chopped off.  I watched mom and grandma yank the guts out of the chickens and I wonder if mom would be proud of me yanking that bag out of the turkey.  Maybe one day my daughter will tell her kids about how her dad used to have to yank the bag out of the turkey.