Saturday, December 31, 2011

quick with imagination

I can't think of anything to write, so here comes nothing.  

1. Through space and time
2. Breaking walls
3. Shattered through thought
4. Traveling through the void where time is left behind
5. There is no up, but lie there anyway
6. A giant flash of light
7. Straight as a line can be carrying strength and intensity
8. The fun has now begun and off to work I go

Monday, December 19, 2011

Killing Frosty Slowwwly

My family and I made the bastard out of snow.  He stood there looking evil, staring right through me with those beady eyes.  It's now been two days and he's still there.  I wanted to take him out yesterday but had a change of heart when I saw Marissa staring back at me.  I imagined her screaming no papa and banging on the window with tears in her eyes as I slaughtered her snowman.

I never cared for snowmen.  I watched too many Christmas shows as a kid and I couldn't believe that something made of snow could come to life and walk around.  I made dozens of snowmen as a kid and none of them came alive.  It's not like I ever gave them the chance.  I always made sure I didn't leave them by themselves to sit in the sun and die slowly.  If I was that snowman slowly melting away I'd want to find the nearest sharp object and kill the heartless sob that gave me life in the first place.  A good sized stick would make quick work of frosty's knee caps and a few karate chops later there wasn't anything resembling the cold abomination from the rest of the snow.  It was an abomination.  What gave this thing the right to exist?

People reading this may take side with the snowman.  You might relate to it and childhood memories might prop up and bring you back to a simpler time in your life.  I understand how you took special care to craft the snow into a figure you could relate to.  Maybe your dad didn't hug you enough so you formed a male snowman, tall and caring that would tell you good job.  It wouldn't ever tell you to clean your room or that your mother was a whore.

I had a long day at work.  It's been 3 days since we made the snowman.  They were discussing a new name for him.  I was staring out the window with a glass of wine planning my attack.  I imagined a blowtorch going up and down it's back.  How was I going to make this look like an accident I thought?  Michelle asked what I wanted for dinner, but I didn't hear her.  She asked again "Honey, what do you want for dinner!?".  I was standing in my warm living room with a glass of wine, but in my mind I was pushing frosty into a snowplow.  Nothing I said.  I'm not hungry.  The sun was starting to come out and frosty's head was starting to melt.  I could just let him die naturally.  I think I'm going to scoop the sidewalk to work up an appetite I told my wife.  I thought I could kill it before dinner.  Take Marissa said my wife.

Marissa went outside and slowly walked to the snowman.  I didn't want that thing near her, but she was fascinated with it.  Maybe something about it reminded her of me and then it hit me.  I could no longer hurt frosty than I could hurt myself.  As I was contemplating that Marissa kicked the snowman pretty hard and bit into him.  We took a couple chunks from his mid section and made snowballs and had some fun.  We left him there and in a few days he would be gone, melted away and forgotten.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

parents who named a baby "Mitt"

Four little letters that make the difference between normal and crazy.  It's not even the letters I guess.  It's the order of the letters.  Tim sounds normal and Mitt sounds insane.  His dyslexic parents created an ambition craved monster.  I see it in his eyes when he's giving his speech.  I hear it in his voice.  I see it in his soul.  It's saying "hug me mother and tell me I'm doing a good job".  He isn't trying to win the majority of votes in the country.  He isn't even trying to get all the votes for the republican primary.  He's after two votes, his mother and father.  If that were to happen his life would become meaningful and rich.  After gaining his parent's approval his success and personal fortune would be more than just a checklist of things to do in order to be president of the United States

I'm not a psychologist, but I've had two quarters of sociology at a community college.  It doesn't take a genius to know that something is wrong with Mitt.  I do respect him and all that he's accomplished.  That said, I think he's a emotionless monster.  He would probably be the greatest president in history and would catapult this country into a new golden era.  He is the right person for the job because the job he wants no sane person would strive for.  In times of uncertainty we should embrace crazy.  Crazy breaks through barriers and challenges traditional thought.  Crazy is Apple making a fortune on a MP3 player.  Crazy got Neil Armstrong on the moon.  Crazy named a baby "Mitt".  I hope crazy can vote for Mitt so this country can get back on track.

I am going to vote for Mitt Romney, because I don't want to ruin his life.  His parents purposely named him Mitt. He should have been named Tim and he would have a normal boring life but instead he's Mitt and it's his destiny.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Three foot tall Christmas

It's December 8th and 6 in the morning.  My daughters getting tubes put in her ears today.  Everyone says it's minor surgery.  I remember before the surgery she was being grumpy when the nurse was trying to take her height.  She never did get her to stand and my daughter's height was a mystery.  When the nurse tried to get her to stand straight Marissa would fall limp like a sack of potatoes and lay on the floor.  The nurse got sneaky and out smarted my daughter by measuring her height on the bed sheet.  She marked the head and toe and then used a tape measure to get the magic number of 3 feet exactly.  She took her terribly bitter medicine like a champ but she wouldn't stand to be measured.  The medicine contained some narcotic or something and it was making her act really goofy.  She was laughing uncontrollably over things she normally wouldn't and her balance was off.  Everything was funny and in 10 minutes she would be asleep in surgery. So here we were in a hospital before surgery having a blast.  They wheeled her away in the bed and we watched her go down the hall with her little face peeking through her crib posts like a little toddler inmate.  My wife said that little girl had no idea what was about to happen.  That was the saddest part.  She was so happy and soon she would be awake and screaming out of surgery.

We have a little Christmas tree.  I drug it out of storage a few days ago.  There it sat upright but not decorated.  Michelle grabbed up Marissa and the angel for the tree.  We have a bay window that we put our little tree in.  Michelle set Marissa by the tree and told her to put the angel on the top. Marissa was standing next to the tree trying to put the angel on and I noticed something. They are the same height.  Today during surgery Marissa's height was 3 foot exactly and now we know how tall our tree is.  We've had the tree for as long as I can remember.  Next year she won't need help with the angel.  We've had the 3 foot tree since we met each other 11 years ago.  Every year Michelle would get the little tree out and we would decorate it together.  We better buy a bigger tree next year or I'll feel really old when she stands next to it.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Zen and the art of staying calm after seeing a snowplow push ice into my driveway after I spent two hours scooping

My neighbor fired up his snow blower way too early on this cold Sunday morning.  He's retired and gets up unhumanly early.  The snow gave him something to do.  Snow blower maintenance, getting gas, storage, and actual use of the blower were all tasks he treasured.  If I get that way someone please shoot me.  There he was at seven in the morning and heart broken.  The snow plow pushed a bunch of icy black snow up into his driveway.  His snow blower couldn't process it and he was forced to break out his shovel.  There we were, him and I shoveling snow like cavemen without technology to bail us out.  I had a big advantage over him because I was younger and in better shape.  He had a big advantage because his house faced the East and the sun was out doing most of his work for him.  I wonder if he picked out his house knowing it was Nebraska snow that feared the sun and the shadow-less driveway.  This icy snow was in basketball sized clumps and my half broken plastic shovel did little to help.  I picked them up and threw them in my yard.  This was the street's snow and I shouldn't have to pick it up.  The city owns the streets and if I throw my driveway snow into the street I get a ticket.  The city can push the street's snow into my driveway.  I issue them tickets but they never pay them.

My neighbor got done with his driveway in about an hour.  He had a snow blower, sun, and his wife helping him out.  There wasn't any snow left anywhere on his cement.  The final touch was him busting out a broom to remove the last bits of snow the shovel missed.  What an asshole.  I'm just trying to get mine to a point where my wife's car won't get stuck and this guy is sweeping.  I started on the sidewalk shoveling and I cracked a smile when I saw the snow plow coming by.  He was headed right for the neighbor's driveway with a bunch of snow.  He's going to push a shit load of ice up into his drive and the jackass is there with a broom sweeping. He must not have been able to drive too close to this guy's driveway because he veered out of the way like an infant was on the driveway.  I wonder if the insanely polished clean driveway scared him away.  He wasn't so nice to my side of the street and all my hard work vanished in an instant.  One second the end of the drive was clear of ice and debris the next it was a winter wonderland.  The plow driver waved at me and I waved back.  I can't believe I did that.  I should have flipped him off.

An hour later and I went in the house.  I made a cup of coffee and warmed up.  I looked out the bay window surveying the neighborhood.  All the houses around us had absolutely no snow in their drives.  It looked like god himself caused the snow to fall everywhere except the neighbor's sidewalks and driveways just like how they have the wonderful sun hitting theirs.  I wondered if that snowplow driver is laughing because I waved back at him.  My driveway had patches of ice and snow but my wife shouldn't have a problem getting in and out. This story will repeat itself five to ten times a year and there's no need to get angry.  Next time I see that driver I'll be ready with my middle finger and that will be good enough.