Pound for pound which is worse for you? cigarettes or bacon

cigarettes, You've just read a new series in what I call SchwabDog microBlog

BAM!!

I started laughing uncontrollably over this little clip.  Now I'm writing about the spice weasel.  BAM!  haha, help me.  You might think I'm nuts but this is one of the most complex jokes ever.  If you don't laugh at the clip you might not be able to laugh at anything.

BAM, let me break it down for you and suck all the fun out of it.  That weasel was just laying by the stove like a kitchen utensil.  Why doesn't he run away.  By the look in his eyes he's obviously scared and kind of shocked at what the chef is doing that to him. That thing just sits still until the alien cook needs some spice.

What human would eat something squeezed from  a live weasel.  They're making fun of all of us.  Maybe not the vegans.  

That alien acts just like chef Emeril who isn't a bad guy.  He wouldn't hurt an animal on tv. 

Why is the spice coming from the nose of the weasel.  If anything it should be coming out the other end.  Maybe the producers of Futurama wouldn't allow them to show the spice coming from the rear.

That weasel isn't even clean.  The chef wipes his hands clean then grabs the weasel.  Why would he wipe his hands clean just to grab a dirty weasel?

He squeezes that animal pretty hard which isn't funny if you love animals but it's funny because no one in the audience cares.  He uses three hands to grab it and squeeze.  They actually love it happening.

Bender the robot doesn't have any sense of taste but he loves it when the chef adds some spice to the pot.  He wants him to knock it up another notch.  How can you show interest in something that you can't sense?

Maybe I'm just sleep deprived or something.

Raise your weapon

Psycho kills kids.  People panic.  Leaders makes laws.  People panic more.

My father works at a company that produces bullets.  I live in a state where 90% of people own guns.  These people equate guns to security and freedom.  They don't equate guns to death and tragedy.  It all depends on who you are.  If you're from a farm and you own a gun to hunt and scare off people raising havoc on your land late at night then it's a tool.  If you're from the inner city and you own a gun to protect your family from crooks, drug dealers, and bad people then it's a way to kill people.  Chances are the person you're pulling the gun on will pull one back and you'll be forced to shoot.

Though shalt not kill except in times of war or self defense or to protect your family... No, though shalt not kill.  People are stupid. We kill each other with cars, knives, bats, drugs, and millions of other things.  But, on the other hand if you make it easier to kill someone then they will.  Guns make it easy to kill someone.  Bombs aren't legal because they kill even easier.  If bombs were legal then we wouldn't have enough people to make our bullets.  It might be difficult to come up with bomb makers and then we'd be in real trouble.

So, the powers that be make some rules.  They made the rules because the panicked people demanded rules and to leave the rules alone.  If in doubt pass a few small rules so it might please someone.

After the little rules were passed the gun lovers go crazy saying the feds are taking away their rights.  I have a right to a 30 round clip and enough ammunition to arm a small city.  These people are right.  I think they're right.  I'm probably wrong because I live in a gun loving state.  I own a gun and I don't want someone telling me I can't have it.  It's mine!

It's a choice.  I currently have a choice to own a 30 round clip.  I have power.  I can use the power for good or evil.  It's mine.  It's a selfish thing to grab ahold of an idea and claim it.  History is filled with people fighting for their ideas.  They fought over an idea and people lost their lives

Do you realize

You are beautiful.  I'm not talking about the inner beauty or anything like that.  You are pretty on the outside.  Your smile could prevent a war.  Now that I think of it you could possibly start war with it also.  Please use your beauty for good not evil.

 

Appreciate yourself.  Be confident and sure of yourself.  Don't be arrogant but instead know that whatever you do you're doing it because it's completely you.  All you can be is yourself.  It's a perfect outcome.  Our actions are never perfect, but we do them because of who we are.  The more appreciation you show for yourself the more you'll notice others appreciating you.  If you ever need noticed try to give someone else a compliment.  We all have a tendency to return.

We all age but it's up to you whether or not we get old.  Part of that sentence is bullshit.  At age 70 it might get too difficult to think young.   I think I'll need some help from the dark side ...cough heroin.

Just let go.  Deep breath in ..........and out.  Learn from the past but try not to have regrets.  Life goes too quick to give a care about the past.

You're full of life.  We limit ourselves by creating self engineered prisons.  Some of the prison was created by laws.  I can't take my pants off and go to McDonalds because it's a public place and I might get thrown in jail.  Then there are society's rules.  It's not polite to interrupt someone when they're talking for example.  Then there are the rules you make for yourself.  The rules we make for ourselves don't make us who we are.  They're fun to break.  I don't karaoke.  That's one of my rules.  When I break the karaoke rule I feal like a new person.  It's fun to escape every once in a while.