It’s been a busy week so far. I’m right in the middle of it and I feel like calling in sick. I didn’t sleep well. It’s day 5 of no cigarettes and right now I’m wondering what I’ll quit next. Will I turn into one of those health nuts who won’t eat meat. I might quit drinking coffee. No cigarettes or coffee, might as well quit breathing. I can’t say that. I gave up smoking for my daughter. It was a sacrafice to god. My girl is always getting sick with a cold or flu or something. It seems like every two weeks it’s something we have to get checked out because she has a fever. I’m not that religious, but I do believe in god and I’m sure he has the power to heal. I pray for Marissa every night or try to. I say “Please god keep Marissa healthy and happy” and ask to be forgiven for my sins. It’s not that long or thought out of a prayer, but I think god is busy and if I had an inbox full of small talk I’d probably delete it and answer the important ones. So my baby was up coughing at 3 in the morning and I was really worried about her. I told god I’d quit smoking if he’d help my girl stay healthy. So, it’s 7 in the morning now and it’s been 5 days without. I’m taking a shower and I can’t believe i’m 32 and I’ve had my last cigarette. I’ve been off and on smoking since I was 18. It wasn’t as bad for you back then. haha This day is going to be terrible. I charged my ipod the night before and I have plenty of music to mellow me out. I have my $100 bose headphones which sound amazing and my coffee is cooling on the counter. I’m in pretty good shape. I hate weak coffee. I can’t even drink it so what I’ve been doing lately is just pouring the coffee into the machine without measuring it. I just dump a whole lot in there. Out comes this sludge like substance 10% water and 90% coffee. It’s not that bad but every day it’s something new. My coffee never tastes the same. I like that feeling when I don’t know how something is going to turn out. I hope Marissa makes it through her day without getting sick. Those calls to work saying “Mark, I had to pick her up early cause she has a fever” just break my heart. Gelled my hair, got dressed, found my shoes, and I’m ready to go. I grab my coffee and two pops for the day ahead. I have 2 minutes to get to my pickup or I’ll be late for work. I get in the pickup and turn the key. Dammit, I forgot to put on deodorant! Marissa didn’t get sick and she was in a great mood that evening. She really cheered me up. She doesn’t care if I smell bad.
I have a few tricks to getting through the day without deodorant. The most important one is try not to sweat. I have to be calm all day and not work too hard. I can do that. The next trick is that if I do sweat I just need to avoid everyone. I made it to 3:00 without getting caught and I was feeling pretty bad. I didn’t talk to any of my work friends all afternoon but it was for their benefit.
Saturday morning I woke up around 8 and looked through my pants pockets. Yep, it really happened. It wasnt a dream. I crushed up my cigarettes and put the pack back in my pocket. This is a big step. Last night felt like a strange dream. I got up every couple hours awaken by my girl’s cough. I have to burn that sound into my brain so I wont be tempted to smoke again. Today was my dad’s birthday. He was turning 52 and we were headed back west to see him. He was going to get on his harley and ride all afternoon so we were going to see my brother first. My sister in law just got diagnosed with MS She was getting headaches and went partially blind in one eye. She was happy it wasn’t cancer. We were too.
I have a few tricks to getting through the day without deodorant. The most important one is try not to sweat. I have to be calm all day and not work too hard. I can do that. The next trick is that if I do sweat I just need to avoid everyone. I made it to 3:00 without getting caught and I was feeling pretty bad. I didn’t talk to any of my work friends all afternoon but it was for their benefit.
Saturday morning I woke up around 8 and looked through my pants pockets. Yep, it really happened. It wasnt a dream. I crushed up my cigarettes and put the pack back in my pocket. This is a big step. Last night felt like a strange dream. I got up every couple hours awaken by my girl’s cough. I have to burn that sound into my brain so I wont be tempted to smoke again. Today was my dad’s birthday. He was turning 52 and we were headed back west to see him. He was going to get on his harley and ride all afternoon so we were going to see my brother first. My sister in law just got diagnosed with MS She was getting headaches and went partially blind in one eye. She was happy it wasn’t cancer. We were too.
Deep. Theres a lot more to you than meets the eye.
ReplyDeleteI quit at the beginning of lint last year. I know it sucks! All the F-ing quit smoking crap all over makes you want to either beat someone unconscious or makes you want to lite up all the more. Some days I really love the smell of someone smoking in the area. It really does smell wonderful to me still. The yearning gets less and less but it is still there. I have learned from years past, not to give into the "just one" idea. Even if someone has a baby. Here is something to the tobacco free a-holes of the world who cough when the smell smoke outside and just want to be an annoying a-hole. Keep it up. One of us who is quiting or has just quit will beat the crap out of!
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