be patient or become a patient

Even while I write this I feel nervous.  I'm not sure why I'm nervous, but I feel like I should be doing something else.  I have this feeling all the time.  I can't read books because I don't have the patience.  I want to read books.  Reading is much better than watching tv. I can't wait on the toaster.  I always pop it up before it's finished.  I eat raw toast a lot like an animal.  It's like i'm a prisoner in my own existence.

Once in a while I'll get caught up in something and I'll just let it go.  It's weird because I took 3 years to design a PCB but I couldn't wait 30 seconds for the board to cool down and I nearly burned my hand testing it out.  Who spends 3 years designing a PCB and can't wait 30 seconds before trying it out?  Pass the xanax please!

Sometimes the right song will come on at the right time.  I might be pissed off and bam they start playing rage against the machine on the radio.  The car next to me is probably saying "wow a pissed off nerd".  Look at him jamming out.  They're just lucky the road is in between us or I'd kick their ass.  When this happens I'm definitely in the zone and not worrying about anything.

Watching tv with my daughter in my lap.  Everything melts away.  If I sat with her in the morning I'd miss work.  If she'd sit there long enough I'd starve.  She's my whole world.  It's a good thing she can't sit that long.

Some people joke that they'll catch me stare into a ceiling fan and zone out.  We've all done it before.  I think people who disrupt this type of meditation should be shot.  It's like zen.  99 percent of the time I'm doing something or atleast thinking of doing something.  Let me have a moment where I stare into a wall.  This is when the real work gets done.  All the lights shut off and some real 'outside the box' thinking happens.

I imagine that if this feeling was stronger I'd have to be medicated.

Shut the fuck up

I was just watching an Alice in Chains video on youtube and "shut the fuck up" was the number one comment.  More than 20 people gave this guy a thumbs up for telling someone else to shut the fuck up.  Well, what that guy said must have been pretty unpopular.  That guy could have been talking trash about Alice in Chains.  Maybe he was making fun of his voice or comparing him to Nirvana.  That would piss me off.  Layne Staley is dead and his voice lives on.  I wouldn't like some asshole talking trash about his voice on youtube.  His voice isn't like anyone else.  By the picture on his face it's the only thing he has.  He's addicted to heroin.    His existence is pain.  He wants a way out.  His voice sends this picture with every note.  He passes his pain through the microphone.  He wants everyone to know the pain and live it.

The STFU comment was in response to someone saying the resolution on the youtube video was low.  Someone said the resolution was crappy and like 30 users gave that comment a thumbs down and the guy who said "shut the fuck up" got 20 thumbs up.  That's awesomely entertaining because it was probably just some poor lonely nerd commenting on the video quality and a bunch of metal heads pounced on him.

I don't think I'll ever comment on an Alice in Chains video.  Some nutcase might hunt me down like the resolution nerd mentioned earlier.  I hope he's ok and still pointing out flawed video on youtube somewhere.

bask in my awesomeness

I'm trying to narrow down my favorite 3 traits for myself.  It's a difficult task.  I can narrow it down to the top 10 pretty easily, but getting it down to 3 took some time. The top 3 traits have are as follows:

I'm well rounded.  I'll help roof your house then golf with the mayor.  I fit in with a lot of different social circles.  They all love me and it's an inescapable trap.  I call it a black hole of Schwab.  I'll bum your last smoke and you'll gladly give it to me.  I'll drink your last beer and explain how my brand is much better.  You won't help but smile and it wouldn't kill you to drop the temperature of your fridge by a few degrees!  This beer is practically room temperature.

I'm modest.  My modesty came to me as a young child.  I didn't even have to try and I noticed how much more modest I was than the rest of the kids.  There's no telling how far my modesty will take me in this life.  The sky's the limit.

The final trait I chose was just my awesomeness.  It's hard to explain, but imagine if you could wrap up everything in a towel that made all people great and gave it to me.  I simply called it my awesomeness.  The only people I can thank would be my parents for making me, oh wait I guess I'll take a moment to thank myself too.  Most of what I have I had to work for.